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16 May 2008 @ 01:31 am
05 March 2007 @ 12:08 am
Things with Baba are only getting worse. She officially has a DNR, and won't take the feeding tube. Her body is shutting down, and chances are starvation is what will get to her first. All we can do is make her comfortable and surround her every day and smile, and show her that we're there.
What's really making this hard is that she's lucid (Baba has Alzheimer's.) She hasn't been lucid in a good few years.
It's both good and bad. It's good in the way that she can recognize us, and we can tell her things that she didn't know. I told her I have a wonderful boyfriend, and I told her about his amazing family. She just looked at me and smiled. Then I told her I'm driving... her eyes got really big and she started laughing! It's wonderful to see her laugh. It's also good because we can tell her how much we love her, and she can actually understand us. It's a big deal to me, and I'm sure to her, that she knows how much we love her before she goes.
The fact that she's lucid also makes things a little harder. Sometimes I find myself at a loss of words. When she looks at me with her big brown eyes, it just breaks my heart. She's back! But she's back just in time to have to leave. She can now notice how much everything has changed, and how much she's missed, and how weak she's become. We can't make spinach pie together anymore, or blueberry cake. And she'll never make me kasha or vereniki or perushki again. I miss her jolly Russian/Bulgarian grandma disposition, and her always saying "Johnnushka, you're so skinny! Eat something, eat something!" She was always well fed herself, not fat, but just a liiiiiiiiittle over weight. She had a big round face and curly brown hair. Baba was the kind of grandmother that you only see on TV. The kind that don't normally exist... she was one of the few. She wouldn't sit down to dinner until she made sure EVERYONE at the table was settled. Sometimes she didn't even sit down to eat until everyone finished at least half their plate!
I really don't know what else to say, except that Maria Proszkow is one of the most amazing people to ever walk the earth.


On a lighter note... I think you guys will find this funny.

"I'm going to write Catcher in the Rye 2: Holden's Revenge where Holden makes a machine where he makes his ideas into robots and he makes a Jay Gatsby robot (since The Great Gatsby is like one of the two books he likes) and then Gatsby will go into a room full of phonies and cry, 'TIME TO DIE, OLD SPORTS!' *machine gun fires*"
21 February 2007 @ 06:42 pm
So... I basically did nothing today. I vedged, watched TV, and watched Breezy.

...And I just took a Vicodin. The pain is progressing faster, and attacking harder now a days.

What kind of health do I have to look forward to in the future?

LogoThere are:
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?


* There are 7,499 people in the U.S. with the first name Johnna.
* Statistically the 2138th most popular first name. (tied with 259 other first names)
* More than 99.9 percent of people with the first name Johnna are female.



* There are 0 people in the U.S. with the last name Proszkow.

Current Music: Don't Touch - Ashley Tisdale
17 February 2007 @ 07:12 pm
I'm so sick of being 70 years old.
I'm sick of being in so much pain.
I'm sick of not being able to go down stairs.
I'm sick of not being able to be a teenager.
I'm sick of running out of spoons.
I'm sick of living like this.
I'm sick of there being no answers.
I'm SICK and TIRED of friends not believing me.
I'm so sick of being 70 years old.
04 October 2006 @ 10:50 pm
13 September 2006 @ 04:20 pm
Okay sooooo...
I'm now in Japanese II.
I have AP Psychology 6th hour, and Japanese II 7th hour. Anyone in my AP Psyche class?
Current Mood: okayokay
14 July 2006 @ 06:19 pm

Current Mood: bouncybouncy
04 June 2005 @ 10:19 pm

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
30 May 2005 @ 09:12 pm

J is for Joyful
O is for Organic
H is for Humorous
N is for Nice
N is for Naughty
A is for Active

discover your dog breed @ quiz meme

find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz
The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz</ A>


You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

Your Birthdate: January 25

Your birth on the 25th day of the month (7 energy) modifies your life path by giving you some special interest in technical, scientific, or other complex and often hard to understand subjects.

You may become something of a perfectionist and a stickler for details.

Your thinking is logical and intuitive, rational and responsible.

Your feelings may run deep, but you are not very likely to let them show.

This birthday makes you a more private person, more introspective and perhaps more inflexible.

In friendships you are very cautious and reserved.

You are probably inventive, and given to unique approaches and solutions.

Your Linguistic Profile:

75% General American English

15% Upper Midwestern

5% Midwestern

5% Yankee

0% Dixie

You Are 17 Years Old


Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
29 May 2005 @ 10:16 pm
You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability. You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea. Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion. You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone. If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed